Is your girlfriend pregnant and you don't know what to do? Perhaps you are wondering if she is even carrying your baby. Maybe friends and family are encouraging you to push her to have an abortion. Whatever your situation, you are not alone. Lots of couples experience a "surprise" pregnancy and immediately worry about how this will affect their future. Abortion seems like an easy and legal choice but it does have significant risks that you may not understand. Having a baby doesn't mean the end of your dreams.

It's hard to realize that women can choose abortion without the permission of the baby's father. Many women who have had abortions report that they were waiting for their boyfriends/husbands to stop them. Some even say that they sat on the table hoping the father of their baby would "rush through the door to rescue me and take me away somewhere safe." She needs your friendship now more than ever. It's impossible to determine if you are the father of the baby until after the birth of the baby. If you've been with her sexually, assume that you are probably the father of her baby.

The first thing you need to do is find out that she is really pregnant and learn about your options. Pregnancy care centers provide confidential and free pregnancy tests along with many support services. These centers exist to help both of you come to an informed decision. To help her understand your support, go with her for the pregnancy test. She has more to lose in this pregnancy than you do because it will affect her physically. If she truly is pregnant then she is already being overwhelmed by hormone changes that hinder her from making good decisions. Having your physical support will reassure her that you care.

The first thing you need to do is find out that she is really pregnant and learn about your options. Pregnancy care centers provide confidential and free pregnancy tests along with many support services. These centers exist to help both of you come to an informed decision. To help her understand your support, go with her for the pregnancy test. She has more to lose in this pregnancy than you do because it will affect her physically. If she truly is pregnant then she is already being overwhelmed by hormone changes that hinder her from making good decisions. Having your physical support will reassure her that you care.

You may not realize this but abortion has many risks to the woman- emotional, psychological and physical. While you may not experience the abortion physically, abortion can affect you as well. If you care about this woman in your life, you will want to protect her from harm. You need to know are the physical risks of abortion.

Another interesting thing about abortion that we have learned from people that made this choice is that most couples break up soon afterwards. Abortion doesn't seem to be the glue that holds a relationship together. Feelings of betray and hurt, compounded with the grief over the loss that results from abortion, can separate two hearts forever. If you care about this woman, encourage her not to abort.

If you both determine to have an abortion and make it to the clinic, ask the clinic staff these questions:

• What kind of abortion will she have? Will it be chemical or surgical? Ask about the risks- It's important that you both sit through any discussion about the abortion procedure. Most women will appreciate a man who wants to be with them through this difficult time.
• Who is the doctor and what are his credentials? Be sure to write down his name. Don't let her sign any papers that might release him from any liability if he hurts her.
• Check to see if the clinic is clean and sanitary - Many clinics are never inspected by governmental agencies. As a result, they can provide sub-standard care to their patients. If the clinic doesn't appear spotless, find another one.
• If they offer ultrasounds, insist on being allowed to view the screen. Both of you have a right to view any medical tests that are being conducted.
• Should your girlfriend/wife have any doubts, take her home. There is no rush to make this decision. Any hesitation at all on her part could mean significant regrets in the future. Always remind her that you will support her in the pregnancy and don't want to push her into something she doesn't want to do.
• Accompany her throughout the clinic - Should the clinic staff seek to isolate you from your girlfriend/wife be immediately suspicious and ask her to leave with you for the time being. She needs you now more than ever and she also needs someone to ensure that she isn't hurt in any way. Whatever the clinic rules are, there is no reason you cannot hold her hand through this procedure.

Remember that abortion doesn't erase a mistake - it only adds new ones. Abortion is PERMANENT. There is no "undoing" this decision. Wait and research all your options and know that we are here to help.

If you choose abortion or already have participated in this decision, be prepared that both of you may experience what is called "Post-Abortion Syndrome" or "Post-Abortion Stress". According to many studies that have been done on this subject, you may experience one or many of the following problems:

• Fear of failure
• Fear of being judged
• Fear of making decisions
• Fear of taking risks
• Feeling of defeat
• Feeling unworthy
• Depression
• Guilt
• Shame
• Panic Attacks
• Addictions
• Suicidal thoughts
• Sexual dysfunctions
• Sense of loss

And many other symptoms.